Remembrance

People say there’s a typical love-hate relationship between mom and daughter in the history of humankind. I read it in some books and articles, see it in the movie or mostly TV shows, hear it on the radio (yes, I’m still listening to the radio as my routines), and discuss it among friends. People go through the same problem in the subject of Mom and daughter over decades, again and again, as if if these world populations consist of Mother’s clan and Daughter’s clan, there will be an immortal emotional war which will bring earth to an obvious the end faster than global warming. Ok, I am exaggerating, I just want to make a point that it’s not easy to go through such relationship if you are a woman.

Really, I don’t know what’s really going on between me and my mom, sometimes we’re get along very well like two kittens playing in a warm sunny park, and the next moment we have this cat fight end by a cold war for several days. Then until we both try forget and realized how nonessential our quarrel was and going on with our regular conversation of dailies update news as if nothing happened before.

When it comes to say, a happy moment, I can really like my mom. She can be so loving, caring, funny, witty, and adorable in overall. We can have a long chat about life and how things happen and for sure our dream. I admit in the old age, like my mom’s age, its getting harder and harder to dream high. Old people just want to dream something that really-really visible. I try to hold down myself in this subject of conversation with her.

But when it comes to a “combat” moment, usually trigger by our disagreement on things, which then lead to her being an absolute anomalous, I totally couldn’t understand my mom. She can be so bitter, sharp tongue or brutal to be précised, vicious, hysterical, and so much of a drama queen.

Grew with a mom like mine does established some significant personalities, I’m sure like it does to other women with other mom. I also become an emotional person, a bit ignorant if it’s concerning other people’s feelings and for sure not someone who avoid confrontation. I become vocal about my standpoint and always ready for an argumentation. As you know, those can be weaknesses but also strengths.

I remember a lot of good and bad things that I felt towards my mom when I was just a little kid. My mom have a very-very sharp tongue. She never stands for neutral regarding something; she will always go to the extreme. If it’s good and meet her favor, she would exceedingly praise it and say all the nice things in the world about it. She would say “It’s very-very good”, “Wow, I’m sooo happy”, “I LOVE the way it looks”, “You are very smart”, “Very nice you’re doing that”, and so on. But if things not tally to her approval, like if she dislike the way things stated or performed, she would go the utmost opposite of praising, she would say “IT’s so ugly”, “No human being want to have that”, “You are so bad”, “You will never be happy again”, "So stupid, beyond imagination" and so on.  For instant, if I wear something and ask her how I look, if it’s meet her taste, she would say “O, it looks very nice, very nice. You are the prettiest”. Unfortunately, my fashion taste doesn’t always meet my mom’s (of course, we live in different era), and when she dislike the way I look, she would say “Yeww, you look like a low class servant!”, “Are you sure you’re going to use that un-match (or horrible color) clothes out?”. My mom will never say something like, “I don’t really like it, but it looked decent, and if it’s comfortable why not?” or “I’m just suggesting, maybe you want to change your top”. Nope, that’s not my mom.

She’s getting better as years passed by, the kids grow old (if it’s not mature), she try to build her spiritual life, like most of old ages people does, and more over because I don’t life under the same roof with her. The last part really helps to improve our relationship. We just couldn’t stay peaceful more than 5 months, there’s always an immense fight in between. Our recent subject to argue is about my dream Wedding Ceremony. YES, DREAM means, right now I have no potential husband yet, no exact date, nothing to become a tangible basic reason to fight for, just a dream, just several IFs. When I say things that I want for my Wedding, she would go against it instantly. I said I want to wear a white simple designer gown, and she would say that I will look so ugly and so ordinary (just like the guest), so I better use a “Kebaya” (Indonesian traditional clothes). I said I want a particular band with a special song sing during my walking the aisle, my mom would cynically say that that will definitely make the whole procession less sacred, rather than if I use a heavenly choir as the background music.  I said I want a semi outdoor wedding party and she went frantic, as if it’s the silliest idea ever and as if I never thought that it could be rain that day. That absurd heated discussion always won by her. Meanwhile me, quietly sulking and worry for how my wedding ceremony going to be with all of these disagreement between us. It works well to make me ever less want to get married soon.

My sister experienced that with my mom too. Of course Mom doesn’t make any exception for any of her daughter since that’s the way she is. But my sister is way calmer and patient compares to me and she is mostly crying if mom says something harsh to her. I don’t remember when exactly I decided to stop crying every time I have argument with her and ever since I just – as I said before – sulk and avoiding her.

This love hate relationship still gets on my nerves once in awhile especially when we’re in “combat mode”. And I always wish that I can be more patient, understanding, mature, calm in the way I handle my mom. I did try thou, practice by when her first sentences hit my ears, I try not to lose-temper. And please don’t take me wrong, I love her and don’t want to replace her with another mom. I just want for a better situation as we all grow older, by time, by moments of life, by special occasions.

I believe there’s a precious lesson coming out of this life experience. I mean anything happened, happened for a reason. If one day I have a daughter or two, I know by heart I cannot avoid such disagreement over things.  But one thing I promise to myself, if problems emerge, I will try as hard as possible to hold myself or my tongue, embrace the anger sensibly, cooling down, and saying things that only will bring peace of mind and calmness in the emotional moment between us. I hope when the time come I have a total consciousness that I’m the Mom, and they are my baby girls.